The Importance of Empathy

Understanding Empathy is to understand the way people interact with one another.

Empathy is a situational understanding of purpose, ideals, morals, and thoughts that humans share with one another.

Being able to grasp this concept will not only enlighten our knowledge of others, but also allow us to experience more intimate relationships with one another.

I will be the first to admit that empathy is not my strongest trait, and at times there is not a shred of it to be found.

Empathy has always seemed like something for people much smarter than myself to discuss, when in reality it is something that everyone employes on a regular basis. Sensing that a loved one is down or upset, feeling the need to help someone that is struggling, the smile that comes when seeing a child open a present; these are all situations in which empathy is enacted. It is the emotional understanding and feeling we experience when watching or hearing about and experience of another.

Although these feelings are empathetic in nature, the true measure of empathy comes with the actions of the individual effected.

Empathy brings a hammer to the walls of the human relationship, enabling people to understand one another in a much more intimate sense. Empathy is a universal concept that should be utilized in every situation; it is “the moral glue that holds civil society together.” (C. Calloway-Thomas) Not everyone is as inept as others in the art of empathy; this is why it is important for a greater understanding of the concept to be unveiled. Empathy can and should be learned.

Is empathy the fix all? Can it bring broken people back together? There is not a clear answer to these questions. However the world would be a much better place if people would allow an understanding of each other to take place, if there was empathy for one another, maybe the world would not be the broken place that it is today.

Because of the culture of today, especially within the US, there is a great deal of importance found in who is considered "right" in any given situation. While I agree that some concepts and thoughts are meant to be held and not compromised, I would argue that for the majority of situations the essence of individual is pushed aside and disregarded for the idol of the theology or idea presented. That is to say that many people to hold to a concept of, "My ideology is more important than you."

But maybe there doesn’t always need to be an answer if there is understanding.

Is it possible that the differences we fight over are moot in the light of who we are?

The key emphasis of empathy is purely relational and is revealed through everyday interaction with other individuals. The big situations as well as the small must be examined through a sense of empathy in order for human relationships to expand and to be fulfilling.

The concept of empathy is a very difficult one for me to unpack. There is the tendency for me to fall into my political ideology which a lines itself with the Libertarian party. Using this ideology it is easy for me to think that everyone should care for themselves and that it is not my responsibility to care or pay for the faulty actions of others. However I must still remind myself that being a Christian means that it is my responsibility to care for the hurting people in this world. Empathy assists me in walking this line between the two seemingly conflicting ideologies.

In this struggle I have been pushed towards a simple ideology presented in Genesis 2:15:

"The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it."

It is inherently man's (both male and female) job to care for creation.
We must care for each other, and this begins with Empathy.

When Our Soul Runs Ahead Of Our Mind

Okay Gregory, here's a real quick one I write in the dark while the candles flicker, the tree is lit, wine is good, and my wife and son are playing with plato in the kitchen. Thanks for the invite...

"When Our Soul Runs Ahead Of Our Minds"

I heard that quote from Erwin McManus a year ago and it has stuck with me for some reason. It helps define those moments in our lives where we can't describe what's happening but we cannot deny what we're feeling. I think those moments occur more frequently around Christmas. For whatever reason, our world is much more spiritually sensitive during this advent season. Something inside of us awakens. As Chesterton put it, "The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has no one to thank." Our spiritual senses are more alert and we take notice of God around us.

On Sunday, my wife met a friend at a church in North Bend. She had been going for a few weeks by herself and was excited for a friend to sit by her. During the first song of worship she began to cry heavily and could barely articulate what she was feeling. With teary eyes she barely mustered to my wife the words, "I've put God in a box and I know he doesn't belong there."

I'm sure you can relate to one of those moments. We've all had them. See, our spirituality is both intellectual and emotional. We are not just charts, graphs, logic, and percentages. As human beings, we are built with much more. We are emotional, soulful, inspirational, and creative. Philip Yancey would say the moment we try to analyze and dissect grace, is the moment it dies like a butterfly pinned by needles.

My point is simple. Be okay with the mystery this Christmas season. Let your mind run wildly with your soul. Just see where it takes you. Time for analysis, theology, and categorizing will come later. This Christmas season, let your soul take the lead.

Worship only truly happens when we don't completely understand what's happening. I say, let the wonderful, gracious, extravagant mystery of a God that dared to become human overwhelm us this Christmas.

And let our souls stand in awe.

If you haven't, I double dog dare you to ask God to show himself. I prayed that prayer many years ago and look what happened.

The Christian Struggle

It is often said that the greatest challenges are those that are unseen, and as it seems, it couldn’t be truer. It has been exactly 1 year 7 months since I pledged to “Refuse to Stand for Christ, but I’d sit for Him.” Never have I felt stronger about those words, and never have I lacked such strength as to see them put into action.

A year and 7 months ago, I realized that I, and many others, have completely and utterly missed what life is about. Too often we hear of the “culture wars” going on among the religious right and the liberal left. Anti-Christian sentiment fills our televisions, radios, courtrooms, and sometimes even schoolhouses. In response, Christians rally outside abortion clinics, harassing young and confused girls, yell insults and condemnation at gay pride parades, spite those with life threatening diseases because we don’t approve of lifestyle choices, and still wonder why there is a culture war. Christians, in an attempt to be just as boisterous, have succeeded in nothing else but alienating the people we were called to love. Amazingly, it is not the latter that Christians focus on, but only how they are the victims. In turn, this breeds an overhyped emotional message at Christian rallies, encouraging youth to “fight mainstream society, be different, stand out.” But it was this very attitude that Christ condemned. Christ didn’t care what people’s sins were, he cared who the people were. In my Fine arts sermon I noted that the modern Christ would be a self proclaimed Phd of religious studies who hung out with prostitutes, murderers, and thieves. Instead of fighting the culture he was in, Christ went alongside the culture, disregarding the stuff that was unholy, partaking in what was, and changing the hearts of every person that he came into contact with. That was the pledge that I promised I would try to live up to.

With that prefaced, I have found the epitome of Biblical struggle. It is not so much the circumstance as it is the character. David’s struggle wasn’t facing a giant. There were only two outcomes that could come of that, he would win, or lose. The struggle was lifting his head up to decide to fight the giant. What would the army think? His brothers think? Would they love him if he won? Would they give up the battle as agreed if he lost? Should he wear the armor? All the doubt and insecurities were not in facing goliath, but in facing himself. Looking at Job, we see he wasn’t troubled most by his losses, but with his internal struggle in staying faithful. Even Christ himself, as great a tribulation as the beatings were, knew he would die and rejoin his father in heaven. It wasn’t the circumstance, it was the character. We see the struggle when Christ asked if the cup could pass. Biblical struggle is internal. It isn’t the culture we should be fighting, it is our internal insecurities.

In my own life, I have seen this with great prevalence this past year and 7 months. It was easy in my youth, not that I am old, but in my faith with Christ, to become passionately inflamed with self righteousness for the cause of Christ. It was easy to go and tell people that Jesus loved them. It was easy to debate with the atheist why he was wrong, it was easy to tell my brother he wasn’t living a good enough life. These struggles that had been hyped at youth events were easy to face! Then I decided to sit down. No more would I allow my fiery edge be the reason that someone walked away from potentially knowing God. No more would pointless debate on the existence of God be spoken of my tongue. I learned I could not convince someone who was not willing to be open. Instead I decided to practice love. No longer would I sit upon my white horse and tell others what was wrong in their lives. Instead, I would look at the people I disagreed with and speak words to uplift them. No longer would I debate with people of other religions why they were wrong, instead I would love them as Jesus would, and when the opportunity presented an adequate moment, present my case, but ultimately it was about the person.

This then is my struggle. I have lost my fiery edge, but along with that went the fire. Maybe it is a good thing, maybe not, time will tell, but that fervent emotional passion that was sparked with the “us against the world” attitude has drained much of my ambition for Christianity. I have become cynical of pastors and Christians who ride their white horses into the church building and that cynicism has begun to weigh heavy on my shoulders. I find myself daily praying for a balance, the fire without the fiery, yet it never seems to come. Many times I feel the urges of the past, the desire to argue, the desire to use my words for destruction instead of uplifting, and praise God he has given me strength to begin to tame my tongue. But it is a struggle.

Out of this endeavor, I have found myself a softer person, I try to fight it at times, but it is what it is. More than ever I am able to empathize. I desire to speak more words of advice and encouragement to others instead of harsh words. These are all positive things… but I have found the struggle.

I don’t know what I hope to gain by writing this, but it helps to put on paper what has been in my head. This internal struggle is by far the greatest thing I have had to deal with, and the frustrating thing is it is never ending.

Fuel for Today

I realize that I can be a complete nerd. I know the name of almost every smart phone out there, except for blackberry, I think RIM just needs to give up at this point... I buy and sell gadgets often, Criaglist is my friend. My roommate must think I am crazy at times.


Part of it is because I really believe that my life is better with gadgets surrounding me and organizing my life, but the more I read about future of the tech world, the more enamored I become with the companies that hold my secrets. To be honest Facebook, Twitter, Google, and Apple know more about me than any one, which is kind of scary...


But my love for tech isn't just because I want to be "that guy" with the cool hair and the plaid shirt with the macbook in starbucks, or because I want my life to be easier, it is because the future of what technology can be and where it is headed inspires me. I read countless articles a day about tech news, and often I get way too excited for new products and ideas being developed.


I am a futuristic thinker in a future focused world. What could be gets me moving. 


But the most important part of life is not the what could be, but instead it is what is. I could decide that I want to be a great husband and father one day, but If I am not treating Kelsey (my girlfriend) as the wonderful woman that she is, I will never live up to who I want to be. 


I often have to ask my self what am I doing now that is of importance, because the rungs I grasp today, will be the ones I stand on tomorrow. 


Let the what could be fuel the what is.

Memorable Moments

Today was a good day.


Today was a day full of memorable moments, the good and the bad. Church planting conference gave me the opportunity to meet with other people that are passionate about the things that fuel me; had an argument with the girlfriend, which ended up in a good discussion and the ability to love each other better; and a great time with friends at Issaquah Brew House where we had the opportunity to talk about memorable moments.


My pastor, Kyle Reynolds, is preaching a message called “Story” which has the premise that, “the things that make up a good story are the same components that make up a good life.”


It makes me think how often I decide to just sit down and watch TV/play Halo, rather than do something different. When I reflect on the things I have done in my life I don't think about the hours I have spent playing video games and watching TV, I think about the times when my family was able to get together for dinner at Ruth’s Chris, or when my Dad would take me golfing, or even when my brother and I thought it would be a great idea to climb on our roof and shoot our airsoft guns at the neighbor kids.


There are opportunities in life to make the mundane magical, in our lives and in the lives of those around us, and the measure of a great life is how many of those opportunities we act upon.


Lets choose to write a great story with our lives.