If That's What You Are, Then What Am I?

Growing up with 2 older brothers, this was a constant saying in our house. Every time an insult was offered: "If that's what you are then what am I?" Despite the childish nature of such a comeback, I have found myself reverting to this idea an enumerable amount of times in the last few months. Let me begin by again sharing one of my favorite quotes:

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians, your Christians are so unlike your Christ."- Mahatma Gandhi.

Seem familiar? If you are a follower of Seeds, you have already seen this quote. These words alone are not only impactful, but so often seem to encompass the very subject of Seeds itself. Recently, more than ever, I have been left feeling that Gandhi had it right. So much so, that for a while, I refused to be known as a Christian. For me to make this statement, I must explain: It used to be that I turned on the news and only had to be known as a Christian when stories appeared on the news about Westboro Baptist or the string of church scandals that have unfolded in the past few years. Unfortunately, as of late, the more time I spend around Christians, the more I find myself repulsed by the Jesus they are selling. I am simply amazed at the judgment, discrimination, and hypocrisy that occurs, all while claiming to love the people that they crucify. So again I have to ask myself:

If that’s what you are, then what am I?

I was stuck in a paradigm…. I follow Christ, so I should be a Christian right?! But, if Christians crucify those they are supposed to love, I don’t want to be one. Can you see how I would want to disassociate myself from the title "Christian?"

Then it dawned on me, "Christian" was not what the disciples called themselves, but rather the title that was bestowed upon them by the society around them. The disciples simply called themselves followers, and the society labeled them as "little Christs" by the way that they lived, and the Savior that they preached.

Recognizing this, it makes me think what an honor it must have been to those who called themselves followers. What an honor it would be for my peers to recognize me as a Christian without me ever having to label myself as such. I am at the conclusion that "Christian" should not be something that one attributes to themself, but rather what one should hope to someday be attributed as.

I want to make this clear: I am not criticizing anyone who calls themself a Christian. I do however encourage you to ask of yourself, are the actions you partake in, the words that you speak, and the thoughts that you are thinking be associated with Christ? That is what the title of Christian means. That is what those who are viewing your life are interpreting it as. Are you treating it with the same weight?

So my prayer for us all: May we recognize the weight of the titles that we place among ourselves and the way that they affect the people around us. May we recognize that the way we compose ourselves is a direct reflection upon Jesus Christ when we associate our names with His. Finally, may we one day live a life worthy that those around us would deem us as Christians.
Faithfully,
Chris

22 Old Testament Facts Not Taught in Sunday School

When I first became a Christian, I always thought it exciting to ask Christians what they found more interesting: Old or New Testament? Although some (mostly male) people answered the Old Testament for the amazing battles of David's mighty men, the vast majority answered New Testament. Despite the presence of Jesus being the anticipated answer as to why the New Testament was favored, I was shocked to hear most people answer "Because the Old Testament is too confusing and boring."

I admit, the Old Testament genealogies are perhaps drier than the bones found in Ezekiel’s vision, yet after taking an entire class that was focused on surveying the Hebrew Bible, I found that my own feelings of confusion and boredom had little to do with the content. Instead they stemmed from my inability to understand what I was reading. Despite my feeling of being well-versed in Biblical history going into the class, I found that my own Biblical education had been lacking in even some of the most basic areas. Anticipating this lack of knowledge about the basics, our professor weekly quizzed us on 22 basic facts that are helpful in understanding the Old Testament. This list was completely complied by him, and I am greatly appreciative for the tool that helped me to understand the Old Testament better, hopefully it will do the same for you!

1. Abraham is thought to have lived about 1700 BCE.
2. Moses is thought to have lived about 1200 BCE.
3. David and Solomon were kings of Israel between 1000-900 BCE.
4. 10 of the 12 tribes of Israel were destroyed when the Assyrians invaded the North in 722 BCE. These are the tribes of Reuben, Simeon, Dan, Naphtali, Gad, Asher, Issachar, Zebulun, Ephraim, and Manasseh.
5. After Solomon's reign, the northern kingdom is known as Israel, southern kingdom is Judah.
6. The first Jewish Temple (Solomon's Temple) was destroyed by the Babylonians in 586 BCE.
7. Much of the Hebrew Bible was collected and edited in Babylon, during the Babylonian Captivity, about 550 BCE.
8. The Second Temple was Dedicated in 516 BCE.
9. The Tanakh is divided into three parts: 1) Torah ("Law" or "Instruction"); 2) Nevi'im ("Prophets") and 3) Ketuvim ("Writings").
10. The "Torah" refers to the first five books of the Bible: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy- These books are also sometimes referred to as the Pentateuch.
11. The language of the Hebrew Bible is Hebrew, though some parts are written in a related language called Aramaic.
12. The Second Temple was Destroyed in 70 CE.
13. After the destruction of the Second Temple, Jews no longer had a place to sacrifice as their scriptures had instructed them to do.
14. Rabbinic Judaism began after the destruction of the Second Temple.
15. Modern Israel became a state in 1948, after World War II.
16. Jerusalem is situated with the Dead Sea to the east, the Mediterranean Ocean to the west, the Negev Desert to the south, and Samaria and Galilee to the north.
17. The River Jordan connects that Sea of Galilee (in the north) with the Dead Sea.
18. Jerusalem is about 10 miles west of Jericho and the Dead Sea. (10 is not a typo).
19. Jerusalem is located on a mountain range that runs north and south through the land, and is at about 2500 feet in elevation.
20. Every year, Jews commemorate their deliverance from slavery in Egypt with a festival called Passover.
21. Jews are instructed by God to keep his commandments, which are listed in the Torah, specifically in Exodus, Leviticus, and Deuteronomy.
22. Through Moses on Mt. Sinai, God made an eternal covenant with the Jewish people.

Spiritual Lessons From The Man In The Parking Lot

[Just found this and realized I forgot to publish it at the time!]

Last semester I was approached by a man, while I was walking to my car in the parking lot. "excuse me sir, I like your tie. By the way, are you registered to vote in Placer County and would you be willing to sign this to stop the tuition hike?" (extending a petition with a few signatures already on it.) I was grumpy, tired, and ready for Spring Break, so I answered brashly, "Sure, if you can tell me exactly what I'm signing, and how that will stop the tuition hike." He promptly responded, "Thank you have a great day" and walked away.

Hands down, I wasn't the most polite person to deal with, but really?! I asked a question and he left! As I got in my car and began to criticize the man on his inability as a petitioner, I realized that I have done the same thing when trying to "get signatures" for Christ or even just to go to church! This thought, ultimately led me to three conclusions that I had rarely thought about as a follower of Christ.

1) Cut the Flattery- The minute he gave me a compliment was the minute I gave him one strike. I didn't know him, and he was obviously selling something. The flattery as a use of persuasion was not only extremely obvious, but extremely hurtful to his cause. It immediately shut me down. Now, this is not to say you can't compliment a person and be polite, but examine the motive behind it. If you weren't trying to ask them about church or Christ, would you still have given that compliment?

2) Have the information- 1 Peter 3:15 says, "but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect." If you walk up to someone and tell them that Jesus loves them, and they should accept him in their hearts, you better be ready for "why?" Imagine how strange you felt when you first heard this, if you can remember, imagine: An invisible God, who you don't know about, sent His son from Heaven to Earth to die for your sin, which you may or may not see as bad.Not only that, but you should also seek after this invisible being, and ask His forgiveness. Does that not sound nuts if you aren't a Christian?

3) It doesn't matter how pretty you wrap it up, it is still about them- I was in a bad mood before I saw him, I was in an even worse one while talking to him. But it didn't matter. I knew while he was talking that I wasn't going to sign the petition, and it didn't matter to me how eloquently he stated his case. Short of bribing me to sign the petition, there is really nothing he could have done to get me to sign it. Often as followers of Christ, we think it is our job to get the signatures. It isn't. Our job is to love the person, present the material, and let God do the work. At the end of the day the burden is on the person you have shared with, not you. If they aren't ready to accept Christ, there is nothing that you can do or say in that moment. All you can do is love. Often we consider pestering them, yet this only results in working against your cause, making them believe that believers are insensitive to their desires, pushy, annoying, and just flat out rude.

These lessons only reinforce in my mind that the acceptance of and leading to Christ must be done through a personal relationship. The following of Christ is a process, not a moment, and we as followers of Christ need to respect that it is something that takes time. All we can do is continue to show love.

-Chris

Should Christians Rebuke Others?

I have both a Biology Test to do, and genetics questions, yet cannot seem to get something off of my mind. No doubt that by now, you have heard some kind of comment about women and the way they dress during Halloween. Since I am neither a woman, nor a fashion expert, I am definitely not qualified to make any comment on it. Since I am a Christian, a follower of Christ, and a representative of Him to the world, I do feel qualified to comment on the Christian’s reaction to those who partake in the bizarre event known as the way people dress on Halloween.

The first major reaction that I see is nothing. People don’t say anything due to fear, apathy, or any other numerous reasons. Many people see Halloween as no different as women wearing a swimsuit during the summertime, and with such a view, hold back judgement on those who (in my opinion) dress funny on Halloween. Although I don’t fully believe in this approach, I find it a lot less damaging than the next response that has driven this post.

The second response that I see from Christians is one of passionate rebuke. Christians are quick to condemn these women as “skanky, sluttish, and whore-ish, yet believe that since they are not calling that person a skank, slut, or whore directly; that it is appropriate to use these words. In giving those who hold this opinion the benefit of the doubt; I will say that this passionate response comes from a desire to see their friends, families, or even complete strangers dressed in a way that is ultimately respectful to that person. Yet, the righteous desire does not permit, or justify, the use of words that are ultimately condemning, degrading, and judgmental of that person. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Imagine if you were that person who decided to wear a little less, and you had someone judging your character on the clothes you were wearing for one night. Now imagine if you didn’t even know the person making that judgement. That person then proclaims to be a Christian. How do you feel towards the judge, Christians, and Christ Himself? I can tell you that by the reactions of my friends who partake in such an event, these people feel hurt, judged, and angry towards not only the judge (effectively eliminating any credibility that Christian once had- hindering their ability to minister), but also toward all Christians, and even being angry towards Christ for the hypocrisy of His followers.


For anyone acquainted with the New Testament they will immediately point to verses that permit the rebuking of others. Although there are many verses of the sort, we can examine Jesus’ words in regard to the correction of others’ actions. Luke 17:3: “So watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.” Yet, I would like to point out something. Christ first says, “So watch yourselves…” Correction is a very personal matter and although Paul instructs it to be done in front of others (possibly for a variety of reasons, such as accountability- the same as having a witness present to attest that everything was said and done appropriately) it is initiated when you, personally, are wronged. We see this in the following of “if your brother sins against you rebuke them, and if they repent forgive them.” Instructions are given later in 1Timothy 5 that say: “1 Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, 2 the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity.” Here there are two important things, 1) “Do not sharply rebuke…” without feeling the need to define sharply, let’s just use the word respectfully. 2) In all purity… examine your own actions for the rebuking. Is it coming from the love of that person, or are you just using that as an excuse to passionately condemn someone who isn’t following the rules? How can you tell what your motivation is? If you havn't talked to that person or bothered to keep a relationship with that person, it probably isn't the former.If you have worked to keep a relationship with that person: Be careful of the words that are used, and realize whenever you use the word you, you are making it a personal statement: make sure you aren’t attacking the character of your brother by describing an action. (sucks when someone emphasizes you huh?) I also feel the need to mention, that rebuking should be done by someone close who they will receive it from.

Another thing that is important to point out. Christ mentions a “brother” (For this usage, sister is also appropriate), The Bible defines the word “brother” in two ways. 1) A biological connection between two people (Mathew 13:55). And as a unification of believers (1 Corinthians 12). Neither one of these contexts is used for the unbelievers. With this established, it is not the role of a Christian to rebuke those who do not believe, it is a Christian’s role to love them. Take a look at the encounter with the Samaritan woman in John 8. When accused by the Pharisees of adultery, despite her guilt, Christ responds, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Verse ten then says: “Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” ¹¹ “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” If Jesus didn’t condemn a sinner, then neither should Christians. He left the adulteress with an encouragement, not a judgement.

With my feelings expressed, I can only leave you with my hope: May you use your passion to uplift those who believe, and those who don’t. May you be respectful of all people: encouraging whenever possible, and correcting only when necessary. May you always remember the power of your words, and the power that you have to affect others. Finally, may you always remember the love that Christ has for each and every person, and let that love drive you to love others.

-Chris

A Glimpse of Modern Day Slavery (Part 2 of 2)

As I mentioned in the previous post, slavery is not over. Millions are being oppressed right under our noses in America, and an even greater number throughout the world. Slavery no longer resides in the cotton fields or in shacks, but its same old tricks still continue today. The lack of education, lack of independence for provision, and the continuation of human trafficking are just three ways that slavery has continued to exist, and need to be stopped.

Frederick Douglas, an escaped slave turned speaker for the abolitionist movement, wrote in his biography (found in the Norton Literature Anthology 7th ed. Vol. B) very powerful words about his experience between the connections of slavery and education. He tells of a story where his master rebuked his mistress for teaching Douglas to read. “Learning would spoil the best nigger in the world. Now, said he, if you teach that nigger (speaking of myself) how to read, there would be no keeping him.” (Douglas 2086). Douglas Points out that the oppression of slaves relied heavily upon the slaves being uneducated. This trend continues today. According to the 2002 Government Literacy Survey 85% of the American sample who completed 12 years or less of school (without graduating High school) cannot read a paragraph and answer questions on what they had read. (Level 2 proficiency pg 26).

We can also see how a link between the inability to provide for oneself can be an oppressive force. By needing to rely on another entity for food, shelter, and the basic necessities of life, this gives over complete control of the person’s life to the provider, making the person completely dependent upon the provider. According to the 2009 Census data as reported by the Washington post, 44 million people live below the poverty line in the United States. That is roughly 15% of the U.S. population or a little over 1 in 7 people that rely fully upon another agency to provide for their entire well-being. This in turn forces those recipients to be obliged to vote a certain way, or perform certain tasks to maintain their ability to survive.

Lastly, and perhaps the least well known of the listed forms of oppression is the continuation of the industry of buying and selling humans. No longer do those humans work in the field, but now they are confined to the bedrooms and households of their “owners.” As a Sacramento area resident I was appalled when the statistic was released that the Sacramento area is suspected of being within the top 5 largest areas for the underground sex trafficking. I don’t think I need to describe why this form of human trafficking is a form of slavery, but in every sense of the name, it is.

Although the whips and chains are gone, it is very apparent to see the mediums of slavery still very much alive in American culture, As Christians, it is our job to stop it! We had a war to get rid of the physical signs of bondage, so shouldn’t we be ready to once again fight for the freedom from oppression for the American people? Notice I only gave the statistics for problems in America where slavery is illegal, but when you view these types of injustices as slavery, it is hard not to broaden your scope.

How about the refusal to allow women an education in extremist territories in the Afghanistan and Pakistan? What about the starving people all throughout the African countries, or even the Asian countries? If we are appalled by sex trafficking statistics here, we couldn’t begin to think what they are like around the world. International Justice Mission reports that “over 2 million children are being exploited in the commercial sex industry.” I leave you with a bit for thought, If we were willing to go war to free the American people from this oppression, and should be up in arms at what is happening just in America, shouldn’t we as humans be willing to begin to free other parts of the world from the tyranny and oppression that holds them in bondage, or is the value of our dollar worth more than that person’s freedom?

If any of this has struck a chord, there are ways you can help. Go volunteer a day in a local elementary school or after school program, read to a child, or let a child read to you. Donate food in canned food drives, or organize one yourself. Be on the lookout for a way to help friends and neighbors in this hurting economy. Lastly, if you want to learn more about trafficking, I am no salesperson, but I absolutely encourage you to look at International Justice Mission and their website for more information.

Does the Bible Support Slavery? (Part 1 of 2 Part Post)

Often Christians are accused of using the Bible as an oppressive tool used by a theocratic population to hold down those who are different. Or something like that. We have all heard in history class how Christian Romans had slaves that built their empire to its greatness, how Crusaders took slaves from the many wars on their way to and from the Holy Land, and how the Bible was an oppressive tool used in the institution of American Slavery, due to it's mention of slaves and the need to obey their earthly masters. As Christians, we have vehemently fought against this notion, yet still stand extremely unclear of what the Bible really says, and what this really means for us today.

Where does the Bible really stand on the issue of slavery? It is clear that slavery was allowed and accepted in both the Old Testament and the New Testament. We can see that Exodus 21 lays out laws for buying a slave that is a Hebrew, and the conditions for their release on the 7th year. (It is important to note that Hebrews entered the bondage of slavery by choice, due to lack of ability to pay a debt, or provide for themselves.Today we would call this indentured servitude.)(Exodus 21:2). We then see a much harsher form of slavery meant for Gentiles, or anyone who was not of Hebrew descent, in Exodus 21:20, where masters are to be put to death if they kill their slaves, but it is permissible to knock them unconscious for 2-3 days. In Leviticus 25:46 it then says you can “gift them to your children as property.” We can then see that Paul addresses slaves in the New Testament. (Ephesians 6:5).

It is true that the Bible is full of commandments for slaves, but it is not as direct as it may seem. First, while the New Testament addresses slaves as a reality in society; it does not advocate the institution. Next, it is important to know that with the sacrifice of Christ, both Jews and Gentiles became reconciled before God. (Romans 10:12). Therefore the rules for Gentiles are out, since we are all God’s children only the institution of indentured servitude continues (under the laws for Hebrew slaves mentioned above.) Lastly, The Bible not only puts all men, of all origins, on the same level of equality before God, but goes one step further to ban slavery as we commonly perceive it. Exodus 21:16 says, “Anyone who kidnaps someone is to be put to death, whether the victim has been sold or is still in the kidnapper’s possession.” The American institution of slavery obviously violated this command with their endorsements of the slave traders, and the slave auctions. Since all men have been reconciled to equality in the sight of God, and become God's people, and this type of institution is specifically banned for God's people, it is apparent to see that this type of institution is in direct contrast with the Old Testament law. Even still, the New Testament is consistent with the Old Testament, 1Timothy 1:10 puts slave traders in the exact same boat as lawbreakers, and those who kill their fathers and mothers.

But the point is moot for Americans thanks to the 13th, 14th, and 15th amendments. All Americans are free and equal by the law of the land. The main question then becomes who cares? The answer is millions. Slavery is not over. Millions are still oppressed by a lack of education, lack of independent provision, and the buying and selling of human lives in America and abroad. It is our job as Christians to recognize that this form of slavery, this oppression, is not Biblically permissible, therefore giving us a moral obligation to stop this travesty in any way that conforms to Biblical law.

Top Posts of March

1. God is not a Republican

"I humbly ask you to think about if your outspoken political views are helping, or hurting the kingdom of Christ."

2. Is Rob a Heretic? Book Review: LOVE WINS by Rob Bell

"The overwhelming theme of his work here, to which he devotes most of his arguments and discussion, is that our actions and choices matter infinitely more than we have ever imagined."

3. Check....Check....God, can you hear us?

"But let's not kid ourselves when we have a synchronized light show with our music and call that worship."

Follow up Post 

4. Hey Haters, I Hate Your Theology

"Sometimes its easier to find the love of Christ outside of a church than inside... Theology is Sometimes Good, but Love is Always Better"


Video of Steve Furtick that ignited the thoughts of this post

5. Blockbuster - An Uncomfortable Parable

"3500 churches are closing each year. I'm just trying to figure out what our Netflix will look like."

God is not a Republican

One of my friends got me hooked on Micheal Gungor. His unique sound and lyrics are a really refreshing step away from Hillsong (nothing against them, jut needed a change.) In particular, one song really sold me on Gungor, his song “God is Love.” I was amazed at what Gungor states in many of the one lined phrases, perhaps more to write on later, but I want to focus on one line. The line that caught my eye is when he sings, “God does not belong to Republicans.”

So often we hear in the media about the liberal left, and the religious right. It appears today that Christianity has been labeled as a right-wing movement, serving only the purpose of the Republican Party. Obviously, we as Christians certainly don’t see it that way. Hopefully we realize that there are both liberal and conservative Christians. This idea of God being a Republican seems so preposterous in fact, that Christians hardly realize that there is a huge misconception about Christianity.

I was talking with a friend about Christianity this past week at college. As we were talking about it, she seemed really open to talking about faith, so I asked why she hadn’t looked into it more than she had. Her response startled me. She told me that she was not a Republican, so she didn’t think the church was for her. Ouch. I know it was an excuse, but the fact that it could even be used as an excuse stung me when I heard it.

Despite our political beliefs, we need to remember that God is above it all. There is nothing wrong with religion in politics, but we as Christians need to make sure our focus is the lost, and not a Christian government. Ultimately we know that God will be the sole authority for us all, and therefore the lost > politics. As someone who loves to debate politics, this was a hard pill to swallow. None the less, it is a humbling moment that had to be. If you are like me, I humbly ask you to think about if your outspoken political views are helping, or hurting the kingdom of Christ.

It all comes down to what matters, God does not belong to Republicans, or to Democrats, nor to Libertarians, the greenies, the American Independents, or even the minor Christian political party! If you want to know what is important to God, look around. In fact, he left a list known as the 10 commandments, then added more with his Son who he sent for you and I. Christ makes it simple when asked what the most important commandment is. He states “Love the Lord your God with all your heart.” Followed by (making it second most important) “Love your neighbor as yourself.”(Mathew 22:37-39). If you want to compare your political platform, and what is important, to that of God’s; the question then becomes, how are doing taking care of widows and orphans? (James 1:27).

The Role of the Church

I work a lot with the 4^th and 5^th graders in my church, and I absolutely love it. To see a childlike faith, yet still being old enough to begin to grasp what the gospel truly means has been truly exemplary in my own walk with Christ. Yet there is something that troubles me that came to mind during one of their services.

The pastor was doing a series called “Force Field,” and how a relationship with God acts like a force field to protect Christians from certain things in life. The 10 second version of the message is: it’s better to have a strong force field than a weak one. (This idea is fairly obvious for anyone who follows Star Wars.) I thought this was a genius way to describe the protection and the salvation that one can find from having a personal relationship with Christ.

During the sermon, the pastor asked the question “How can we strengthen our and others’ force fields?” There were many great answers given. Read the Bible, pray, be nice to other people, Help out our friends, but the very first answer was the one that got me thinking. Bring our friends to church. Now for a 4^th grader, this answer is absolutely fantastic, and really an accurate answer. One can truly improve their relationship with God, and help others’ relationship also by going to church, so long as the church is sound and healthy. But this led to my other thought

What if that were the mentality for the entire church, instead of say a 4^th grader. What if we as Christians were told from the pulpit and believed that the way to build a relationship with God was to go to church? The scary thing is, many Christians are, and many Christians do. I think about how often church preaches church instead of Christ. Not only does this offer a cult-like following to the leaders of the church, but it robs Christ of the praise that is rightfully His. This belief that church is the answer leaves many Christians confused and ignorant, possibly leading to someone becoming bitter toward not only the church, but towards Christ. This forces Christians then to figure out what exactly is the role of the church?

In high school I had the mentioned mentality. Deep down, I believed that I could bring the friend to church and magically, God would move their hearts, and they would become Christians. What I failed to realize was that church is just a partner in the entire walk of someone learning about God. Tom Gartin had an interesting way to sum it up. He stated that “often we think of it as a relay race instead of marriage vows. We bring the friend, hope they become a Christian, and look for someone new, as opposed to being a commitment that we are all in together.” I think about the Great Commission when Christ says, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.” (Mathew 28:19). And the Early Church in the 1-3 centuries that were persecuted, where often they did not have a church, as we know it, to bring people to.

The church as we know it is an invaluable tool in helping bring people to Christ, but it is just that. A tool. Ultimately, that responsibility falls onto you and me. It is our job as Christians to lead people to, and develop those new believers. After all, it isn’t four walls and a cross that the Holy Spirit lives inside of. That’s us.

Thanks to Brian Metz for the image from his flickr.

The Christian Struggle

It is often said that the greatest challenges are those that are unseen, and as it seems, it couldn’t be truer. It has been exactly 1 year 7 months since I pledged to “Refuse to Stand for Christ, but I’d sit for Him.” Never have I felt stronger about those words, and never have I lacked such strength as to see them put into action.

A year and 7 months ago, I realized that I, and many others, have completely and utterly missed what life is about. Too often we hear of the “culture wars” going on among the religious right and the liberal left. Anti-Christian sentiment fills our televisions, radios, courtrooms, and sometimes even schoolhouses. In response, Christians rally outside abortion clinics, harassing young and confused girls, yell insults and condemnation at gay pride parades, spite those with life threatening diseases because we don’t approve of lifestyle choices, and still wonder why there is a culture war. Christians, in an attempt to be just as boisterous, have succeeded in nothing else but alienating the people we were called to love. Amazingly, it is not the latter that Christians focus on, but only how they are the victims. In turn, this breeds an overhyped emotional message at Christian rallies, encouraging youth to “fight mainstream society, be different, stand out.” But it was this very attitude that Christ condemned. Christ didn’t care what people’s sins were, he cared who the people were. In my Fine arts sermon I noted that the modern Christ would be a self proclaimed Phd of religious studies who hung out with prostitutes, murderers, and thieves. Instead of fighting the culture he was in, Christ went alongside the culture, disregarding the stuff that was unholy, partaking in what was, and changing the hearts of every person that he came into contact with. That was the pledge that I promised I would try to live up to.

With that prefaced, I have found the epitome of Biblical struggle. It is not so much the circumstance as it is the character. David’s struggle wasn’t facing a giant. There were only two outcomes that could come of that, he would win, or lose. The struggle was lifting his head up to decide to fight the giant. What would the army think? His brothers think? Would they love him if he won? Would they give up the battle as agreed if he lost? Should he wear the armor? All the doubt and insecurities were not in facing goliath, but in facing himself. Looking at Job, we see he wasn’t troubled most by his losses, but with his internal struggle in staying faithful. Even Christ himself, as great a tribulation as the beatings were, knew he would die and rejoin his father in heaven. It wasn’t the circumstance, it was the character. We see the struggle when Christ asked if the cup could pass. Biblical struggle is internal. It isn’t the culture we should be fighting, it is our internal insecurities.

In my own life, I have seen this with great prevalence this past year and 7 months. It was easy in my youth, not that I am old, but in my faith with Christ, to become passionately inflamed with self righteousness for the cause of Christ. It was easy to go and tell people that Jesus loved them. It was easy to debate with the atheist why he was wrong, it was easy to tell my brother he wasn’t living a good enough life. These struggles that had been hyped at youth events were easy to face! Then I decided to sit down. No more would I allow my fiery edge be the reason that someone walked away from potentially knowing God. No more would pointless debate on the existence of God be spoken of my tongue. I learned I could not convince someone who was not willing to be open. Instead I decided to practice love. No longer would I sit upon my white horse and tell others what was wrong in their lives. Instead, I would look at the people I disagreed with and speak words to uplift them. No longer would I debate with people of other religions why they were wrong, instead I would love them as Jesus would, and when the opportunity presented an adequate moment, present my case, but ultimately it was about the person.

This then is my struggle. I have lost my fiery edge, but along with that went the fire. Maybe it is a good thing, maybe not, time will tell, but that fervent emotional passion that was sparked with the “us against the world” attitude has drained much of my ambition for Christianity. I have become cynical of pastors and Christians who ride their white horses into the church building and that cynicism has begun to weigh heavy on my shoulders. I find myself daily praying for a balance, the fire without the fiery, yet it never seems to come. Many times I feel the urges of the past, the desire to argue, the desire to use my words for destruction instead of uplifting, and praise God he has given me strength to begin to tame my tongue. But it is a struggle.

Out of this endeavor, I have found myself a softer person, I try to fight it at times, but it is what it is. More than ever I am able to empathize. I desire to speak more words of advice and encouragement to others instead of harsh words. These are all positive things… but I have found the struggle.

I don’t know what I hope to gain by writing this, but it helps to put on paper what has been in my head. This internal struggle is by far the greatest thing I have had to deal with, and the frustrating thing is it is never ending.